Back To The Proving Ground

I. A Quiet Return
With slumped shoulders and a hesitant posture, I walked through the doors of my dojo. My body was a bit sore from the short training the night before, allowing my nemisis, that inner Doubting Thomas, to continually taunt me as I donned my gi for the first time in months. Still, there was comfort to be found among the faces of the old friends that greeted me. Terry Collis, one of my senior instructors from my time at a club that has since lost its home, arrived and no doubt he was a pleasant sight. Conversation quickly turned to Terry saying "Hey, I was just going to email you a few days back wondering where you've been." "No matter, now" I told myself. I was here tonight. A short list of recent injuries and other excuses and the conversation quickly turned to more pleasant topics.

I've always been a deep admirer of Terry's trainings because of his focus on the more practical applications rather than tournament scoring. That, coupled with this evening's focus of proper breating and relaxing the body quickly reminded me of how much I missed my days at the old Tri-City YMCA. Still, there is much to be learned from my instructors here at Anderson and it's evident in the successes club members here just acheived. 6 students and both of my instructors tested for various dan ranks in December. All of them passed.

Truth be told, it was reading news of the test results in our newsletter that I largely credit for helping to reignite this desire to return to my martial path. I, too, had hoped to test last December. But I let the year fly past me with nothing more than occassional trainings--and virtually no self-training at home--and so was left wanting, still living the life of the "eternal shodan."

II. Learning What It Takes
When the training was complete, I timidly approached sensei Jeff Weber, one of my chief instructors--and now Yondan (4th degree black belt)--at Shotokan Karate of Anderson. Amazingly, he smiled, shook my hand and welcomed me back, stating only that he'd like to see more of me in the coming months. I hesitantly broached the issue of testing for Nidan (second degree black belt), not knowing what to expect. The response was fitting: "If that is what you want to do, then you tell us that you're on that path...and we'll get you there."

It's yet one more aspect to sucessful training, I think. One can bobble the thoughts of testing in their minds all they like. But in order to have the attention of my instructors in traveling that next portion along my martial path, he wants to hear me say it. More importantly, I have to mean it.

After changing back into my "civies" (work clothes, as I travel to training when my work day concludes), I took the opportunity to speak with my other senior instructor, Kim Weber, whom is also now the rank of Yondan. Again I was met with a warm greeting and again I apolgized for being so sporadic in my attendance in the past year. The prospect of testing I again began to speak of and quickly I began to understand just what it takes to prepare to take that next step along my martial path. Looking back from the perspective of a couch-bound sot it is a journey too daunting to attempt; looking forward through the eyes of a karateka hoping to end an aimless wandering of senseless, directionless training it is a journey that can be delayed no longer.

I returned home and began to look over the 2008 ISKF events calendar. The beginnings of my 2008 training schedule were drafted and took the form of the following:



Intimidated, scared, and excited, a course now lays before me for my training to find direction again. Far from wandering aimlessly through the bamboo forest, a straight line trail that might return me to my martial path stares back at me from the kitchen table. Still, my Doubting Thomas is figthing me. I haven't yet told Jeff or Kim that "Yes, I am on the path to testing," for there is no turning back at that point and my wandering mind still battles making that commitment...